Blonde Jokes

[Ice Queen]

[cerina]

[realitybites]

"How do you give Shoulders?"

..so how do you?

[mugley]

come on over and I'll get you going on it

[mr wiseguy]

FIRST DEGREE
A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the
morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment,
and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?'

The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if
the coast is clear.'

SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a
compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it,
looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'

The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'

So, the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy,
it's me!'

THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she
goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and
when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a re dhead. Well,
the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun,
and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and
puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'

The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next !'

FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me... I know 'em all.'

A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'

The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy. Its W.'

FIFTH DEGREE
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was
pregnant?
A: 'Is it mine?'

SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in
her US Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what
Roe vs. Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the
decision Ted Kennedy had to make when he got out of his car!
.'

SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her
house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime . The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the
radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a
leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the
cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her
hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I
call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND
COP!'

[cerina]

I love the last one.

[cerina]

Why did God give blondes 2% more brains than horses?

Answer:

So they don’t crap on the street during parades!

[mugley]

Hey MNP has got her own thread!!! cool!!!

[mid_nite_poet]

Your time is coming mugley..

Revenge will be oh so sweet..

[mugley]

[cerina]

A blonde buys two horses and she can’t tell them apart. So she asks the farmer next door what to do. He says to cut one of their tails off. So she does. But then the other horse’s tail gets caught in a bush and rips off. So she can’t tell them apart again.

She asks the farmer for advice a second time. He tells her to cut one of the horses ears. So she does. But then the other horse gets its ear ripped in a barbed wire fence.

She is still confused. She asks the farmer what to do. He tells her to measure them.

She comes back and says, “The white horse is 2 inches taller than the black horse!”

[cerina]

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves. Her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune… Frank, the Walmart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

[mid_nite_poet]

Another Chance

One day a big group of blondes met in New York to show the world that blondes aren't dumb.
They begged: "Ask any of us any question, and we will show you that we're not dumb."

The group caught the attention of a passer by, who volunteered to ask them some questions. He climbed up on a car and randomly picked a blonde out of the crowd.
She got up on the car too and the man asked: "What is the first month of the year?"
The blonde responded: "November?"

"Nope," said the man. At this point the crowd began to chant, "Give her another chance, give her another chance."

So the man asked: "What is the capital of the U.S.A ?"
The blonde responded: "Paris?"
So the crowd began chanting again: "Give her another chance, give her another chance."

The man said: "Okay, but this is the last one. What is one plus one?"
The blonde replied: "Two?"

“Give her another chance, Give her another chance." screamed the crowd.

[mid_nite_poet]

Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.

Q: What do SMART Blondes and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them but never see them.

Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.

[mugley]

[Maxie]

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had
great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked
her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants
and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they
were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of
the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the
quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!"

[cerina]

I always knew it was a silly game.

[mugley]

[mid_nite_poet]

[mr wiseguy]

You are blonde and on a bus, when you suddenly fart.

Luckily the music is very loud.

So every time you fart, you time it with the music.

When you start making your way to the door as you exit the bus

Everybody is throwing dagger looks at you, and you suddenly

realize............
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

You're listening to your IPOD!

[cerina]

The voice of experience, WG?

[mugley]

A blonde at a party, was telling her friend that she'd sworn off men for life. "They lie, they cheat, and they're just no good," she moaned. "From now on when I want sex, I'm going to use my tried and tested plastic companion," she said.

"What happens when the batteries run out?" asked her friend.

"That's simple," replied the blonde. "I'll just fake an orgasm as usual!"

[cerina]

[mid_nite_poet]