Blonde Jokes

[ut2222]

BLONDES

ASTRONOMY

Two blondes, living in Oklahoma, were sitting on a bench talking when one blonde says to the other: "Which do you think is farther away - Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?????

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor". She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

FINALLY

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "Helloooooo," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs.

[Don't Blink]

why are blonds so much fun

[cerina]

[mid_nite_poet]

[mugley]

A blonde named Mary was walking down the street and she saw a sign on a fabric store window that said ‘FELT FOR $.25′.Mary Jane just laughed and laughed, ‘Ha, ha, ha, ha…’, because she knew that she could get felt for free.

[mid_nite_poet]

So nice to have you back mugs..

[mugley]

you might not think so after you read all the crap I posted last night

[mid_nite_poet]

So far so good.

[hanga7e]

[cerina]

We miss your crap when you aren't around.

[mugley]

well there's plenty more where that came from

[cerina]

No comment.

[mugley]

The blonde was recovering after having given birth. She asked for ice. The nurse provided it, then watched as the blonde placed the ice between her breasts.”What are you doing that for?”
“That’s to keep the milk fresh.

[cerina]

[mid_nite_poet]

[mid_nite_poet]

A Blonde Patient

She was awake, so he examined her.
"You'll be fine," he said.

She asked,

"How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again
doctor?"

The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.

"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"

He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine.

It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils
out."

[mugley]

you don't by chnace happen to have her phone number do you?

[cerina]

[mid_nite_poet]

A blonde gardening

A strawberry blonde was weed-eating her yard and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat which was hiding in the grass.

She rushed her cat, along with the tail, over to WAL-MART!

Why WAL-MART??

HELLOOOOOOOOO!

WALMART is the largest re-tailer in the world!!!

[Lonestar]

I've never gotten tail at a Walmart. [Not for a lack of trying...]

[mugley]

[cerina]

At the joke and at Lonestar's comment.

[mugley]

The blonde drops off her shirt at the cleaners…

The cleaner lady says “Come Again!”

The blonde replies, “No - it is toothpaste this time nosey bitch!”

[cerina]