Blonde Jokes

[mid_nite_poet]

[mugley]

The Blonde And The Farmer

The old farmer was having a pretty bad year. All of his crops had been lost. Fortunately, the peach orchard had done really well. The only way he was going to make it financially was to cut out the middleman and sell the peaches directly to the consumer. So he loaded his pickup with peaches and headed to town.

Just on the outskirts of town he came to a house. So he took a basket of peaches and went up and knocked on the door. A gorgeous blonde in a sheer robe answered the door. In a sexy voice she said, "Hi, Honey, what can I do for you?"

Quite shaken, the old farmer muttered, "I have these here really nice peaches for sale."

The blonde, noticing how shaken he was, decided to play a bit. So she opened the top of her robe showing her breasts. She said, "Are those peaches full and firm like these?"

Very shaken, he managed to whisper, "Oh yes, they're really good peaches."

So she opened the rest of her robe, showing she had on no panties. She teased, "Would they be succulent and delicious like this?"

The old farmer mumbled, and then broke down crying, and said, "Oh yes, they're wonderful peaches."

She said, "Well, honey, why on earth are you crying?"

The old farmer whimpered "Lady, the cut worms ruined my tomato crop and the weevils ate all my cotton and now I think you're gonna screw me out of my peaches."

[mid_nite_poet]

[cerina]

Poor guy.

[hanga7e]

aww

[mid_nite_poet]

A blonde and a thermos!

A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos... it keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.' 'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing.... I'm going to buy it!' So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked? 'Why, that's a thermos... it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,' she replied. Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?' The blond replied...'Two popsicles and some coffee.'

[mugley]

[hanga7e]

[cerina]

[mugley]

I got to remember to try this one in a bar

A blonde walks into a restaurant to get some lunch, and while she's deciding on what she wants, a waitress comes up. The blonde looks up and notices the waitress's name tag on her shirt.

"Gee, that's nice. What did you name the other one?"

[cerina]

[mid_nite_poet]

[mid_nite_poet]

Tradegy ...

A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the
newscaster says "Two Brazilian men died in a skydiving accident."
The blonde starts sobbing "That's horrible!! So many men dying that way!"
Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and
there's always a risk involved."
After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says,

"Exactly how many is a brazillion ?"

[mugley]

[mugley]

Q’s & A’s
Q: What happened when the blonde tried to give her boyfriend a blow-job while he was driving?
A: They both fell off the motorcycle

Q: What do a blonde and a barn have in common?
A: They always have a cock in them

Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.

Q:Why did the blonde have lipstick all over her steering wheel?
A: She was trying to blow her horn

Q: How do you tell if a bank robber is blonde?
A: She ties up the safe and blows the guard.


Q: Why can’t a blonde count to 70?
A: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked down the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she had given her last blow job.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a redneck?
A: If she can chew tobacco and suck dick at the same time and still know which one to spit out.

Q: What do you call a blonde with pig tails?
A: A blow job with handle bars.

Q: What do you call a group of blondes on roller skates?
A: A mobile sperm bank!

[mid_nite_poet]

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a redneck?
A: If she can chew tobacco and suck dick at the same time and still know which one to spit out.

[cerina]

[mugley]

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy

When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.

[cerina]

[mugley]

Two blonds setting in a cocktail lounge. Time is about 8:30 P.M. Said one: “It looks like a dull evening. Damn it, if I’m not in bed by 10 o’clock, I’m going home!”

[mid_nite_poet]

[cerina]

[mugley]

Two blonds were talking about a third one who had just given birth to triplets. “You know, that only happens one in twelve-thousand times?” said the one. “Fucking amazing! How did she ever find time to do any damn housework?”

[cerina]