Blonde Jokes

[Jack Flash]

Blond needed a talent for the miss America beauty pageant

So she studies all the united states. When asked her talent she proclaims" I know ALL the capitals of ALL the states!"

Okay miss, what is the capital of Maine?" "M" she shouts!

[cerina]

[mugley]

The blonde decides to celebrate her 40th birthday with a complete makeover. She goes to the best plastic surgeon in town and gets her boobs lifted, her tummy tucked, butt implants, botox, collagen, the works. After ten weeks and $25,000 she is a new woman and quite pleased with the results. Then she goes to her personal physician for her annual physical. The doctor gives her a complete exam, eying all the "body work" that has been done while checking out her overall health. When the exam and all the tests are completed the medic calls her in for a consultation. "Overall, your health is very good," begins the doctor, "But I do want to talk with you about a problem that often affects women your age."

"Oh really," says the blonde. "What problem would that be?"

"It's osteoporosis."

The blonde gets a puzzled look on her face and says, "Osteo--what?"

"It's more commonly known as "bone loss", explains the doctor. "Many women begin to experience it when they are in their 40s."

The blonde giggles and blushes and says, "Oh really doctor, you've seen me naked. Trust me, with this body and face, I'm getting a new bone five nights a week!"

[cerina]

[mugley]

Cerina laughed as she headed to the docs office

[breeze]

[cerina]

Cerina laughed as she headed to the docs office

Not a hope!

[Don't Blink]

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

[Don't Blink]

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the fuel injectors"

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

[Don't Blink]

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs"!

[cerina]

[Don't Blink]

A blond woman steps into an elevator. There is already a fellow standing there, patiently. As the doors close, the woman turns to the man and says "T-G-I-F".

The man replies "S-H-I-T".

The woman is perplexed as she repeats "T-G-I-F".

The man states again "S-H-I-T".

"I am sorry," she says "but I think there is a misunderstanding. I meant T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness It’s Friday."

The man smiles sympathetically and says. "S-H-I-T. Sorry Honey, It’s Thursday."

[cerina]

[Don't Blink]

A blonde woman strode angrily into the large store, slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction.

The clerk asked, "What's the problem? Wouldn't your cat eat them?"

The woman's eyes got very large, and she whispered, "Are 'Pussy Treats' are for cats?"

[mugley]

[cerina]

[Don't Blink]

A blond was going to the parking lot when she noticed her friends car being stolen

She went running back into the store and told her friend that her car had been stolen from the parking lot!"

Her friend replied, "Did you see who it was?"

The blond answered, "Not really, but I got the license number."

[mugley]

[Jack Flash]

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"

The agent replies, "Just a minute..."

"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.

[mugley]

[cerina]

[Jack Flash]

A Blond called an auto parts store and asked for a 28-ounce water pump.

"What?" asked the confused parts guy. She said, "My husband says he needs a 28-ounce water pump."

"A 28-ounce water pump? What kind of car does it fit?" asked the parts guy.

"A Datsun," replied the woman.

As the parts guy wrote down her request, a light went on in his head. "Oh, yes, ma'am. We've got 28-ounce water pumps," he said. "We also have 24-ounce and 26-ounce pumps."

"Finally," she said. "You're the first place I've called that knew what I was talking about."

"Yes ma'am," said parts guy, smiling, as he jotted down "Datsun 280Z water pump..."

[cerina]

[mugley]

Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they'd never seen before. Each bought one.The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you."

"Why not?"

"I took one bite and went blind for half a minute."