Blonde Jokes

by **Angela** » 07 Oct 04, 8:07 am

A Blonde, the Beach, and...Beer?

Why doesn't the blonde want to drink beer on the beach?

Because she doesn't want to get sand in her Busch.

by **Space Ghost** » 11 Oct 04, 2:20 pm

Blonde jokes:
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that...

- she called me to get my phone number.
- she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
- she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
- she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
- she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
- she tried to drown a fish.
- she thought a quarterback was a refund.
- she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
- she tripped over a cordless phone.
- she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
- she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
- she studied for a blood test.
- she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
- when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
- when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
- when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.

by **John_D** » 09 Nov 04, 4:32 pm

Several weeks ago, we hired a new blonde secretary who wasn't the brightest crayon in the box. One day when she was typing, she turned to another secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?""Just use the copier machine paper," the other responded. With that,the blonde took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier, and proceeded to make five blank copies.

by **pepsi** » 09 Nov 04, 5:49 pm

What's wrong with that? It saved her opening the copier to get the paper out

by **po0x** » 09 Nov 04, 7:09 pm

hehehehe

by **Don't Blink** » 09 Nov 04, 9:40 pm

hmmmmm.... Pepsi by any chance would you be blonde?

.......and while we're at it do you look like Marylin Monroe?

by **pepsi** » 10 Nov 04, 4:59 am

Nope and no but I wish I did

by **Riding the Train** » 10 Nov 04, 10:18 am

Hey I look like brad pitt............as long as your in Ireland and I'm in the states, but if you get any closer (say within a hundred miles) you might notice some differences

by **katie18** » 17 Nov 04, 8:18 am

three blondes walk into a bar.
youde of thought one of them would of seen it !

two blondes walking in the park
"Arrr look at that poor little dead bird."
the other looks into the sky and says " where "

by **Angela** » 17 Nov 04, 1:19 pm

esp the first one - I've never seen these two before

by **funnyfan** » 18 Nov 04, 12:39 am

Why did the blonde climb over the chain-link fence, to see whats on the other side

by **420onthedot** » 18 Nov 04, 4:01 pm

by **funnyfan** » 19 Nov 04, 4:14 pm

Agreed

by **Radioactive** » 20 Nov 04, 1:28 pm

Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on her head?
A: All you can eat under a buck.

Q: What is a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme!

Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.

Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

Q: What's a brunette's mating call?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?
A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave!?
A3: "All the blondes have gone home!"

Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: Her feet!

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.

Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.

Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"
The nympho says, "Are you done already?"
The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

Q: Why do blondes have vaginas?
A: So guys will talk to them at parties.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only put 3 fingers in a bowling ball.

by **Dixie** » 24 Jan 05, 9:04 pm

How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?

You knock on the door.

by **Dixie** » 24 Jan 05, 9:06 pm

Why do blondes leave empty milk cartons in the fridge?

In case someone wants black coffee.

by **Dixie** » 24 Jan 05, 10:06 pm

Did you hear about the blonde that put lipstick on her forehead

She wanted to make up her mind?

by **Dixie** » 25 Jan 05, 1:01 am

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about all his employees' well being, asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?" To which the blonde replies....."

Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." The boss, feeling
very sorry at this point, explains to the young girl. "Why don't you go home for the day.....we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly states......"No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual...."if you need anything, just let me know."

Well, a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying!! He rushes out to her, asking, "What's so bad now........are you gonna be ok??"

"No......" exclaims the blonde. "I just got a call from my sister. She told me that HER mom died too!!"

by **Dixie** » 25 Jan 05, 1:02 am

Two blondes were building a house. one saw that the other was going into her pouch and throwing every other nail out. She thought that this was weird and decided to look into.

"Why do you keep throwing every other nail away?"

"Well, when i pull one out of my pouch, and it is facing towards the house, i nail it it. If it is facing away from the House, it is defective and i throw it away."

"You idiot, those nails aren''t defective, they are for the other side of the house."