sipping vodka

[teninacity]

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. if I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's!

[Khaizerex]

Oh my god... Teninacity, you're amazing! I laughed so hard at these... I'm going to go post it somewhere else... it's absolutely hilarious!

[Maxie]

This is really funny

[cerina]

A sermon like that could almost entice me to church.

[mr wiseguy]

VODKA


A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.



After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.



The monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit,
I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.
If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.'



So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.



He proceeded to talk up a storm.



Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:


1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.



2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.



3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.



4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.



5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.



6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.



7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.



David slew Goliath; he did not kick the sh*t out of him.



9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,
don't say he was stoned off his ass.



10)We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'



11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'Take this! and eat it for it is my body.'
He did not say 'Eat me'.



12)The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'..



13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.



14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

[Ice Queen]

Oups!

[mid_nite_poet]

Those are priceless

[~PC~]

Goliath was stoned out of his mind.

[cerina]

That is brilliant, WG.


Anyone want to nomintate that for D$$?

[mr wiseguy]

Goliath was stoned out of his mind.

that was better

[mid_nite_poet]

:lmao: That is brilliant, WG.


Anyone want to nomintate that for D$$?

I will...

[BlackCherry]

Thing is, if my priest had done that, I still might be practicing...instead of a recovering Catholic.

[mr wiseguy]

and i get some dirtz

[Sting]

Thing is, if my priest had done that, I still might be practicing...instead of a recovering Catholic.

And I just may start going.

[admin]

Thing is, if my priest had done that, I still might be practicing...instead of a recovering Catholic.

Religion is which you make out of it, and spiritual satisfaction is not dependent upon rituals to which others insist you conform.

Of course this is only my mortal opinion, and you should check in with your God to be sure that it is correct .
If you do not hear anything back within three days, then approval by him or her of my statement is assumed

[mid_nite_poet]

Can't top that one..

[johno]

A new Priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done. The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:


1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C..

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him..

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'

11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for this is my body." He did not say,"Eat me."

12) The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.

13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

[mugley]