some jokes.

[LaineyT]

You have two choices  in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish  you were dead.


At a cocktail party, one woman said  to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong  finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong  man."


A  lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted".
Next day she  received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have  mine."

When a woman steals your husband,  
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.  


A woman is incomplete  until she is married. Then she is finished


A  little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"  
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."


A young son  asked,
"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know  his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country,  son."

Then  there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I  got married,
and by then, it was too late."


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over  intelligence.

If  you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you  say -- talk in your sleep.



Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would  go through life thinking they had no faults at all.  


First  guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's  still alive."


"  A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to  Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I  pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death "





Laineyxx

[ET Girl]

Funny stuff Lainey...

[Dixie]

  But if you find the right one ...

[LaineyT]

  But if you find the right one ...

Very true Ive had a right one for the last 31 years  


Lainey xx

[Catalina]

At a cocktail party, one woman said  to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong  finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong  man."

good stuff

[Lord Alameda]

What are you doing in here, Cat??

hehe

Good one, LaineyT  

[Catalina]

What are you doing in here, Cat??

edit: but for the record, i have done that before (wore my wedding ring on the wrong finger, since i married the wrong guy)  

[wabbit]

WHY AM I MARRIED?

You have two choices in life:  You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing
your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the
wrong man."

 A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:  "Husband Wanted"  Next
day she received a hundred letters.  They all said the same thing:  
"You can have mine."

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to
let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?"
Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."

A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a
man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"  Dad replied, "That
happens in every country, son."

Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness
was until I got married, and by then, it was too late."

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
word you say -- talk in your sleep.

Just think, if it wasn't for marriage, men would go through life
thinking they had no faults at all.

First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"  Second guy remarks, "You're
lucky. Mine's still alive."

A Woman's Prayer:  Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man,
to love and to forgive him, and for Patience, for his moods. Because,
Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll just beat him to death.

[Wicked]

Marriage...



You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."

When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished
.
A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

A young son asked,
"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."

Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

" A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death "


Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the hell up."

[cerina]

I love that last one.

[Wicked]

I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death


my favorite

[paulchef]

WHY AM I MARRIED?

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.


At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."




A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."


When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .


A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."



A young son asked,
"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."




Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."





Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.



If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.





Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.


First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."





" A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death "



AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."

The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up."

[mid_nite_poet]

there great

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

[cerina]

Living in sin is much more fun.

[Sting]

Living in sin is much more fun.

Never done that yet.

[sweety]

defenetly

[Flight From Ashiya]

I used to work in a divorce court & the tears & trauma put me off marriage.(Perhaps I should have controlled my emotions more).

[cerina]

You silly sod.

[Flight From Ashiya]

It's true,Cerina, I worked in a Divorce Court for a few years & dealt with the petitioners from all stages of divorce from Decree Nisi to Decree Absolute.
I had women on my counter all tearful & distraught not because the wedded bliss was a mirage but because HE might get more money out of the settlement than she would.
The 'custody' of the children caused the greatest emotional eruptions.The District Judge faced the brunt of that kind of onslaught.
The panic alarm was raised one time when the 'Respondent' had 'decked' the 'Third Party'(adulterer) on the floor outside the courtroom.More bleedin' drama than a mid-week soap opera.

[cerina]

Oh, I know, Fuffa, but the silly sod comment was directed specifically at your comment about controlling your emotions.




And because I wanted to give you a hug.

[mr wiseguy]

WHY AM I MARRIED?

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.


At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."


A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."


When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.


A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .



A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."


A young son asked,
"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."


Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.


If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.


Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

"A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him ,
and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death"


AND NOW FOR THE FAVOURITE!!!

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."

The blind man replies, "If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up."

[cerina]

[mid_nite_poet]

[Lonestar]

As our British friends would say, "spot on."