From British Newspapers

[cerina]

FROM THE BRITISH NEWSPAPERS!

Commenting on a complaint from a Mr Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill,  a spokesman for North West gas said,  "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr Purdey  has been charged for the
gas used up during the explosion that  destroyed his house."
(The Daily Telegraph)


Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her knickers.
When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend.
(The Manchester Evening News)


Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.
(The Guardian)


A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster.
A coastguard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all too common."
(The Times)


At the height of the gale, the harbormaster radioed a coastguard on the spot and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just
blown his Land Rover off the cliff.
(Aberdeen Evening Express)


Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out "Heil Hitler."
(Bournemouth Evening Echo)

[Napper]

 From "The Two Ronnies" -

"The search for the man who terrorizes nudist camps with a bacon slicer goes on. Inspector Lemuel Jones had a tip-off this morning, but hopes to be back on duty tomorrow."

"There was a fire at the main Inland Revenue office in London today, but it was put out before any serious good was done."

"West Mersea police announced tonight that they wish to interview a man wearing high heels and frilly knickers, but the Chief Constable said they must wear their normal uniforms."

"The House of Commons was sealed off today after police chased an escaped lunatic through the front door during Prime Minister’s question time. A spokesman at Scotland Yard said it was like looking for a needle in a haystack."

It was revealed in a government survey published today that the Prime Minister is doing the work of two men -  Laurel and Hardy."



(It's all true folks!)

[cerina]

It is, honest. It was on The Two Ronnies Newsround and they never ever told fibs  :mrgreen:

[Flight From Ashiya]

".................& it's goodnight from me.................& goodnight from him..........".