14-YEAR-OLD Tom Logan is struggling to articulate his penis-based feelings in a Valentine’s card.
Logan said: “The girl I like is in the sixth form, so as an older sophisticated lady I thought she’d appreciate a well-crafted piece of romantic verse.
“We did Coleridge and Keats in English so I know about poetry.
“In fact I was channeling Wordsworth when I wrote the opening line about how ‘Your twilight eyes give me a boner’.
“But I can’t think how to follow it except ‘But I am a weird loner’ which feels wrong.
“Romance is exhausting.”