The tech support (omg)

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The tech support (omg)

Postby dmc2005 » 23 Jan 05, 11:30 am

Customer: "I can't seem to connect to the Internet."
Tech Support: "Ah, right. What operating system are you running?"
Customer: "Netscape."
Tech Support: "No, what version of Windows are you using?"
Customer: "Uhhh...Hewlett Packard?"
Tech Support: "No, Right click on 'My Computer,' and select properties on the menu."
Customer: "Your computer? It's my computer!"
Tech Support: "No sir, I mean the little picture called 'My Computer' on your desktop."
Customer: "I don't see an icon called that on my desktop. I do see one called that on my screen."
Tech Support: "Right, just right click that, and choose Properties from the menu."
Customer: "Right click?"
Tech Support: "Just a moment, sir." (mutes phone) "AAAAAAAARGH."

Tech Support: "Ok, ma'am, do you see the button on the right hand side of your mouse?"
Customer: "No, there's a printer and a phone on the right hand side of my mouse."
Hmmmm.... Let's try a different approach.

Customer: "I can't print anything!"
Tech Support: "Yes, the print server's down for maintenance. Didn't you read that email I sent?"
Customer: "No, I never got it."
Tech Support: "But I got the return receipt from you. You must have seen it: 'Server down at 4:00pm for maintenance'."
Customer: "Oh, that one. I didn't understand what you meant."
Tech Support: (sigh) "The tech is here trying to fix the SCSI controller. The server was downed so he could work on it."
Customer: "What? I don't understand. Why can't I print? I'm not a computer person! I really need to get these reports out."
Tech Support: "When the message said, 'Please print your jobs before 4:00pm tomorrow,' what didn't you understand?"
Customer: "Huh? What? I really need to print these reports out. It's important!"
Tech Support: "You can't right now. The server is turned off. Like I told you yesterday."

Customer: "Hello, is this tech support?"
Tech Support: "Yes, it is; what is the nature of the problem you're having?"
Customer: "I can't seem to power this thing up."
Tech Support: "If you are unable to boot your computer, sir, I suggest you contact the manufacturer. This is Internet technical support."
Customer: "Computer?"
Tech Support: "Yes, your computer."
Customer: "I don't have a computer."
Tech Support: "What is the item you are having difficulty with?"
Customer: "My new lawn mower."
Tech Support: (stifling a giggle) "Sir, you have reached Internet technical support. I suggest you double-check the number and try again."
Customer: "No, I'm sure I got it right. Are you going to send anybody out to fix this damn thing?"
Tech Support: "Sir, we do not support lawn mowers. Please check the number and try it again."
Customer: "What kind of *@#%! service is this? *&$#^ you! I wasn't born yesterday, you know!" (click)

Tech Support: "Ok, sir, please set the modem speeds from your telephone numbers down to 2400."
Customer: "Why can't I leave them at 57,600?"
Tech Support: "Because, sir, you have a 2400 baud modem. 57,600 is not appropriate for your modem."
Customer: "Everything is too slow at 2400."
Tech Support: "Well, you can always upgrade your modem."
Customer: "How can I do that?"
Tech Support: "You can purchase a new modem at any local computer store. Most of them will even install it for you."
Customer: "I don't want to buy a new modem. Can't I make this modem go faster?"
Tech Support: "No sir, you have a 2400 baud modem. That is as fast as this modem will go."
Customer: "Ok, I set it to 2400." (tries to sign on and fails again) "See? That wasn't the problem!"
Tech Support: "Ok, let's go back in and make sure that your changes to the modem speeds were saved."
Customer: "Why can't I at least put it at 9600??" :D

Reversed role

Customer: "Hi, I can't seem to connect you guys are you having a problem?"
Tech Support: "Well sir, what dialup software are you using?"
Customer: "The one you provided."
Tech Support: "And what version is it?"
Customer: (says the version number)
Tech Support: "Oh, that's the problem you need the latest version."
Customer: "Ok, how do I get it?"
Tech Support: "Well, just transfer the file via FTP."
Customer: "Well that would be nice, but I can't connect to the Internet."
Tech Support: (sounding exasperated) "I told you just to FTP the file sir."
I hung up.

Tech Support: "1.54mbit up/down."
Me: (after some calculations) "Hmmm. That's about 173KB/sec, right?"
Tech Support: (pause; sound of typing) "No, that's 1.54MB/sec."
Me: "No, that's the speed in bits per second. I wondered what it was in bytes per second."
Tech Support: (pause) "No, it's 1.54MB/sec."
Me: "No, 8 bits equals 1 byte--"
Tech Support: "No, bits and bytes are the same thing!"
Me: "Um, that's not true. That's why a 56K modem is a 56kbit modem that usually gets 5 KB/sec transfer rates."
Tech Support: "Well that's because people take out the dot when they say it. It's actually 5.6kbit or 5.6kbyte. The .6kbyte is just lost in the connection."

A lot more to be found on
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Postby Dave » 23 Jan 05, 12:34 pm

:lmao: glad I don't work in tech support
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Postby Khaizerex » 23 Jan 05, 2:06 pm

Cool Dave wrote::lmao: glad I don't work in tech support

Same here...

But that last one on the list, that person shouldn't be working for tech support, he/she's not qualified for the job.
I live in your head, I can be found in your dreams. Rest peacefully, I will guard over you.
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