3 paddys out for dinner

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lamp posts

Postby messylaura » 26 Jan 05, 4:39 pm

Paddy gets a job putting up lamp posts

after a days work the boss says to paddy , " it's not good enough , you only managed to put up 5 lamp posts today , derek over there has done 50"
Paddy says " ah yes but look how far i got mine in the ground "
Of course i can drop a raw egg onto concrete without breaking it.
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Postby Khaizerex » 26 Jan 05, 4:42 pm

:eek: :eek:

I hope he didn't completely put them into the ground...

And hopefully Derek's can stand without falling all of the time...
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Postby Drew » 26 Jan 05, 5:36 pm

:lol: your British aren't you
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Postby Dixie » 04 Mar 05, 6:29 pm

my appologies to our irish friends - wish they would stop by sometime :)
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Irish jokes

Postby Dixie » 25 Apr 05, 2:41 pm

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step in the showers before they realise there is no soap. Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers.

He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.

Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.

The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled, he drops a bar of soap.

"Oh look," says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser."

To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough, he drops the other bar of soap.

The third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens. So she gives one last, despairing tug? then yells.

"Mary, Mother of God - Hand Lotion!
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Postby Don't Blink » 25 Apr 05, 3:46 pm

:lol: :lol:

Dam Dixie

Do you know how long it's going to take me to read all these
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Postby tiger~lilly » 25 Apr 05, 10:54 pm

:lol: nice one!
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Postby telboy » 26 Apr 05, 5:29 am

OMG ... I think Dixie has turned over a new leaf ....

.... I kinda liked the old one .... waaaaaaiiiiiiit a minute.

Its not Dixie ...it's her twin...
If its not on, include me out !!!
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Postby Dixie » 26 Apr 05, 11:40 am

Wrong! I am the evil twin :twisted:
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Postby telboy » 27 Apr 05, 4:42 am

No no no .... argggggggh .... you just can't be !!!

*sob* *sob* (am I laying it on too thick)
If its not on, include me out !!!
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I'm from Ireland too

Postby Blondie » 09 May 05, 3:51 pm

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."

"Of Course," replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply.

"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."

"Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"

"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
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Patrick and Murphy out fishing

Postby Blondie » 09 May 05, 3:55 pm

Patrick and Murphy out fishing and the motor packed in on the boat, Patrick says to Murphy what are we going to do now? Murphy say we'll just have to wait for help. After two days they are 40 miles from the coast and come across a bottle, Patrick opens the bottle and out pops a genie who grants them one wish - quick as a flash Patrick says turn the sea into Guinness and of course the sea is black with Guinness - Murphy says you stupid fool we'll have to piss in the boat
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There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery

Postby Blondie » 09 May 05, 3:58 pm

Brenda O'Malley is home as usual, making dinner, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ye." "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?""That's what I'm here to be tellin' ye, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery...""Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me...""Sure and I must, Brenda. Your husband Seamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." Brenda reached a hand out to her side, found the arm of the rocking chair by the fireplace, pulled the chair to her and collapsed into it. She wept for many minutes. Finally she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?""It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guineas Stout and drowned.""Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?""Well, no Brenda......no.""No?""Fact is, he got out three times to pee
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An Irish priest

Postby Blondie » 09 May 05, 4:04 pm

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
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John O`Reilly

Postby Maxie » 11 May 05, 4:27 pm

John O`Reilly hoisted his beer and said "Here`s to spending the rest of me life,between the legs of me lovely wife"
That won him the best toast of the night in the pub!
He went home and told his wife ,Mary " i won the prize for the best toast of the night "
She said "Aye did you now.And what was your toast?
John said "Here`s to spending the rest of me life,sitting in church besides me wife".
"Oh that is very nice indeed,John!" mary said.
The next day,Mary ran into one of john1s drinking buddieson the street corner.The man chuckled leeringly and said "your john won the prize the night with a toast about you, mary"
She said "Aye he told me,and i was a bit surprised meself,you know! he `s only been there twice in the last four years.Once he fell asleep,and the other time i had to pull him by the ears to make him come".
ImageImage
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Postby Dixie » 11 May 05, 4:33 pm

:lmao: I saved that one
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Irish Gas Station Attendant

Postby Maxie » 19 Aug 05, 2:08 pm

Taking a wee break from the golf course, Tiger Woods drives his new Mercedes into an Irish Gas
Station.

An attendant greets him in typical Irish manner,unaware who the Golf Pro is.

"Top o' the mornin' to ya".

As Tiger gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket.

"So what are those things, laddie?" asks the attendant.

"They're called tees," replies Tiger.

"And what would ya be usin' em for, now?" inquires the Irishman.

"Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," replies Tiger.

"Aw, Jaysus, Mary an Joseph!" exclaims the Irish attendant.

"Those fellas at Mercedes think of everything"!... :lol:
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Postby tiger~lilly » 19 Aug 05, 3:41 pm

:lmao: Every man should get some golf tees!!
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Postby Sting » 19 Aug 05, 4:45 pm

Wouldn't golf tees be too small?
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Postby tiger~lilly » 19 Aug 05, 6:33 pm

Well, I guess it all depends on the guy!! :lol:
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Postby Maxie » 19 Aug 05, 6:40 pm

I can made a specialtee for you ...but i need to see the ballsImage
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Two Drunks.

Postby SickCert » 04 Oct 05, 5:19 am

Two drunks coming home, stumbled up the country road in the dark.
"Faith, Mike, we've stumbled into the graveyard and here's the stone of a man lived to the age of 103!"

"Glory be, Patrick and was it anybody we knew?"

"No, 'twas someone named 'Miles from Dublin'!"
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Postby Maxie » 04 Oct 05, 10:33 am

Must be the Tap and his friend Image
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Postby Khaizerex » 09 Jan 06, 10:19 am

:lol: :lol:

That cracked me up so much!!!

That must be embarrassing too. :oops:

Haha...
I live in your head, I can be found in your dreams. Rest peacefully, I will guard over you.
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