3 paddys out for dinner

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Why did the Irish call their currency the "Punt" ?

Postby Jack Flash » 29 Jul 13, 9:54 am

Why did the Irish call their currency the "Punt" ?

Because it rhymes with Bank Manager
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Re: 3 paddys out for dinner

Postby mugley » 14 Aug 13, 10:41 pm

bump
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Re:

Postby johno » 16 Aug 13, 4:48 am

Khaizerex wrote: :lol: :lol:

That cracked me up so much!!!

That must be embarrassing too. :oops:

Haha...


guess you were egged in. :rotflmao:
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Re: 3 paddys out for dinner

Postby mugley » 09 Sep 13, 7:09 pm

bump
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Re: 3 paddys out for dinner

Postby mugley » 19 Nov 13, 9:03 am

A very pretty young speech therapist was getting absolutely nowhere with her Stutterer`s Action Group.
She had tried every technique in the book, but still they stammered and stuttered.
Finally, totally exasperated, she said;
"If any of you can tell me where you were born, without stuttering, I will have wild and passionate sex with you until your muscles ache and your eyes water."

The Englishman immediately piped up; "Ber-ber-beh Bermingum", he said.
"That's no use, Trevor" said the speech therapist, "Who's next..?"

The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out; "Ger-ger-ger Glasgae".
That's no better either, Hamish.

Now, how about you, Paddy..?

The Irishman took a deep breath, counted to 5 and eventually blurted out; " London... ".

Brilliant, Paddy..! said the speech therapist and immediately set about living up to her promise.

After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for breath and Paddy said;

"der-der-der -derry"
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Re: 3 paddys out for dinner

Postby Jack Flash » 19 Nov 13, 9:09 am

:lmao: :lmao:
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Re: 3 paddys out for dinner

Postby mugley » 31 May 14, 7:31 am

I had my identity stolen by the Irish Mafia who took out a series of loans in my name.

It's s ix months later and my credit rating has improved dramatically as they haven't missed a single payment
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Re: 3 paddys out for dinner

Postby cerina » 05 Jun 14, 5:25 pm

:lmao: :lmao:
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the irish

Postby johno » 18 Aug 14, 7:26 am

One night, Mrs McMillen answers the door to see her husbands best friend, Paddy, standing on the doorstep.

"Hello Paddy, but where is my husband? He went with you to the beer factory"

Paddy shook his head. "Ah Mrs McMillen, there was a terrible accident at the beer factory, your husband fell into a vat of Guinness stout and drowned"

Mrs McMillen starts crying. "Oh don't tell me that, did he at least go quickly?"

Paddy shakes his head. "Not really - he got out 3 times to pee!"

--

An Irishman was flustered not being able to find a parking space in a large mall's parking lot.

"Lord,"he prayed,"I can't stand this.If you open a space up for me,I swear I'll give up drinking me whiskey, and I promise to go to church every Sunday."

Suddenly, the clouds parted and the sun shone on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the man said, “Never mind, I found one."

--

Two paddies were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one man digging a hole, the other filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it - why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"

The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick.'"

--

What's the difference between God and Bono?
God doesn't wander around Dublin thinking he's Bono.

--

Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork .
Paddy says, "Are you on foot or in the car?"
Billy says, "In the car."
Paddy says, "That's the quickest way."

--

Paddy and Mick are walking down the road and Paddy's got a bag of doughnuts in his hand.
Paddy says to Mick, "If you can guess how many doughnuts are in my bag, you can have them both"

--

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"

The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".

--

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

--

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney.

"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"

--

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall." Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father.

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go on a trip right now."
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Re: 3 paddys out for dinner

Postby mugley » 08 Sep 14, 10:50 am

"I'm having a few drinks to remember my Irish friend who died yesterday," I told the barman. "He wanted to reduce his carbon footprint, so he decided he was going to cycle to work."

"What happened?" He asked. "Did he get knocked off his bike?"

"No. He drowned." I explained. "Paddy worked on an offshore oil rig
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two nun,s.

Postby johno » 11 Oct 14, 8:19 am

Two Irish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat, and one says to the other, "I hear that the people in this country actually eat
dogs."

"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America , we might as well do as the Americans do."

As they sit, they hear a push cart vendor yelling, "Hot Dogs, get your dogs here," and they both walk towards the hot dog
cart.

"Two dogs, please!," says one. The vendor is very pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over. Excited,
the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.'

The mother superior is first to open hers.
She begins to blush,and then, after staring
at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and in a soft brogue whispers:

"What part did you get?"
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Did you know that...

Postby Jack Flash » 23 Oct 14, 9:16 am

Irish step dancing was discovered by women waiting in line to use the restroom.

Hell hath no fury like this woman attempting to type "scorned" and having it auto-corrected to "scrotum" 11 times in a row.
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Re: Did you know that...

Postby mugley » 24 Oct 14, 4:26 am

good ones :lol: :lol:
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The Texan and The Irishman

Postby Don't Blink » 22 Nov 14, 4:38 pm

A Texan went up to the airline check-in counter and said, "Howdy, ma'am. My name's Brown, spelled B-R-O-W-N. Ah'm from Dallas, Texas. Ah'm 6-foot 3-inches tall. Ah'm white from the top of mah head to the tip of mah toes, and I hate the Irish."

She didn't know what else to do, so she took his ticket and showed him onto the plane.

He sat down in his seat, and turned to the fellow next to him, "Howdy, suh. My name's Brown, spelled B-R-O-W-N. Ah'm from Dallas, Texas. Ah'm 6-foot 3-inches tall. Ah'm white from the top of mah head to the tip of mah toes, and I hate the Irish."

The little fellow turned to him, "Well now, how d'ye do. My name is Patrick Michael O'Donnell. I'm from Dublin, Ireland. I'm 5-foot 6- inches tall, and I'm white from the top o' me head to the tip o' me toes, except for my rectum, which is brown. Spelled B-R-O-W-N."
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Re: The Texan and The Irishman

Postby johno » 22 Nov 14, 4:50 pm

:lol: :rotflmao:
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Re: The Texan and The Irishman

Postby Drew » 24 Nov 14, 8:33 pm

:thumb: Good comback
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irish birth control.

Postby johno » 11 Jan 15, 7:22 am

Mrs. Donovan was walking down
O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.
.....
The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin' To ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan And didn't I marry ye and yer Hoosband two years ago?'
She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'
The Father asked, 'And be there Any wee little ones yet?'
She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'
The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome
next week And I'll light a fertility candle for ye And yer hoosband.'
She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father...'
They then parted ways..
Some years later they met again.
The Father asked, Well now,
Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?'
She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'
The Father asked, 'And tell me ,
Have ye any wee ones yet?'
She replied, 'Oh yes, Father!
Two sets of twins and six singles,
Ten in all!'
The Father said, 'That's wonderful!
And how is yer loving hoosband doing?'
She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow out yer bloody candle!'
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Re: 3 paddys out for dinner

Postby mugley » 23 Feb 15, 10:42 am

Sean Murphy phoned Pan-Am. "How long does it take to fly from Boston to Dublin?"

"Just a minute, sir."

"Ah, that is quick." And he hung up.
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Re: 3 paddys out for dinner

Postby mugley » 17 Mar 15, 11:02 am

His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning Finnegan.

"Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant.

"She spoke without interruption for about forty years," said the Irishman.
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Re: 3 paddys out for dinner

Postby Romeo » 17 Mar 15, 12:34 pm

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: 3 paddys out for dinner

Postby mugley » 17 Mar 15, 1:34 pm

Saturday I was at an early Saint Patrick's Day party at the local watering hole. I ran into my old friend Darrell, who was already hammered by sunset. Darrell was wearing a green top hat, green sunglasses and a green shirt that says "Kiss me I'm Irish." But Darrell is black, so I doubted the accuracy of that statement.
I said to him, "Darrell, to look at you I'd never guess you're Irish bro."
He laughs and says, "you ain't never heard of black Irish, baby?"
I said, "no, but I'm familiar with the term Irish Jig..."
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Re: 3 paddys out for dinner

Postby Romeo » 17 Mar 15, 2:51 pm

:lol: :lol:
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Re: 3 paddys out for dinner

Postby mugley » 18 Mar 15, 1:53 pm

Paddy was put in a line-up at the police station on an assault charge. When the female victim was led in, he shouted: "That's her!"
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Re: 3 paddys out for dinner

Postby mugley » 18 Mar 15, 2:11 pm

Brendan, Sean and Paddy entered a pub's weekly raffle. To their delight, each won a prize. Brendan won first prize - a case of Guinness. Sean won second prize - a side of beef. And Paddy won third prize - a toilet brush. When they met up again in the pub the following week, Paddy asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes.

"The Guinness is beautiful," said Brendan.

"So was the beef," echoed Sean. "And how's your toilet brush,Paddy?"

"Not so good," frowned Paddy. "I think I'll go back to paper."
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