Addendum to Wife 1.0.

Add your favorites and make someone laugh

Addendum to Wife 1.0.

Postby Angie G » 09 Dec 04, 1:32 pm

Dear Help Desk
I am desperate for some help. I’m currently running Girlfriend 7.0 and it has recently started a recurring Nag Process, which indicates the program is a trial version and is due to expire soon, and needs to be upgraded to Wife 1.0. A friend of mine performed this same upgrade a year ago and found that the new program began unexpected child processing and has started taking up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure.
In addition, Wife 1.0 seamed to install itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all of his other system activity. He reports that Wife 1.0 was advertised as coming with several upgraded features such as increased security, a more structured interface, increase reliability, and discontinuance of the Nag Process. So far, he’s seen none of these changes.
He has been unable to connect to most Networking Applications such as Boys_Night_Out 2.5, GameDay 3, and Football_Sunday 5.3. He reports that they no longer run and crash the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate RoadTrip 2000 always fails and a new program, Saturday-Shopping 7.1 runs instead.
He tells me that use of his Hard Drive has rapidly decreased since Wife 1.0 has been installed, and that BlowJob Suite hasn’t run since.
He cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of his favorite applications. He tells me I should stick with Girlfriend 7.0 because the Un-Install for Wife 1.0 doesn't work well. He seams to be stuck with his upgrade.
Can you please help.
Confused User


Dear Confused User,
Your friend suffers from a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding. Most users perform the upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a better Utilities & Entertainment program. Whereas Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its creator to run everything.
The advertised bonus features do get installed into the system registry, but are in sleep mode and will only wake after an undisclosed time period. This period may be years.
Uninstalling:
Should you perform the upgrade, its very unlikely you would be able purge Wife 1.0 later, and still revert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Also, it is nearly impossible to Un-Install, Delete or Purge the Program Files from the system once installed. Often the Uninstall feature empties out 50% of your system’s cache and leaves behind extra processes, which can take years to remove. (See manual under Alimony and Lawyer Fees) The process gets much lengthier if the Operating System has spawned one or more instances of any Child Processes. (See user manual under Child_Support 2000 and Continued Resource Depletion)
A previously known, but undocumented feature is that the Un-Install process can also interrupt normal operations between other users and their OS’s on the Network Level through Gossip 2.8 using X-WifeNet.
Dual Boot Options
Rather than uninstalling, some users prefer to have a dual boot system, which includes Mistress-Suite 8, or Random-Broad 5. Wife 1.0 is programmed to scan the entire system for these unauthorized applications and in extreme cases, force the Uninstall-or-else feature on these programs.
Installing Secretary Suite 5 can work out well, with the application of Long_Hours ‘98. However, do not under any circumstance install Secretary Suite 5 with the Short-Red-Skirt option. This option is the first of many triggers scanned.
Dealing with the new OS
Having Wife 1.0 installed myself I recommend you perform the upgrade and deal with the learning curve as best you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the C:\ I-APOLOGISE program and avoid attempting to use the 'Esc' key. It may be necessary to run C:\ I-APOLOGISE a number of times but hopefully eventually the operating system will return to normal.
Consider adding the following words to C:/custom.vocab/wife: “Oh” “Yes” “Right” and “Sorry.” For example, if Wife 1.0 pops up a Nag Process reporting “The Trash and Recycle Bin are more than 6 days old. Please perform the needed weekly maintenance by emptying the Trash and Recycle Bin,” simply refer to the custom.vocab/wife file and reply with “Oh, yes, right… and sorry.” The Nag Process should disappear. Do not select the option “Do not remind me again” – it has no affect the Nag Process’s recursion feature.
Pre-installed in C:/custom.vocab/wife file is “Yes Dear.” This works only for a short while. Excessive use of “Yes Dear” could result in the OS launching some new programs such as Bitch&Wine, Cold-Shoulder X, and even DoorSlam 10
Bonus Features:
However, it’s not all bad. Wife 1.0 although a very high maintenance Operating System, can be very rewarding. If you can commit to the continued use of Wife 1.0, you may find that Child Processes will upgrade to “Chip_off_the_old_block” and “Daddy’s_Little_Sweetheart.” Wife 1.0 will also tend to update background processes, which include Companion 1.0 and Cuddle-up 8.5. To get the most out of these new background operations, consider buying additional applications such as Flowers 2.0 and Chocolates 5.0. Be warned however… Don’t use these applications excessively – the OS may become dependant on these and may require further upgrades such as Gold-10K, and Diamonds 1K. Should you detect such dependence developing, do not scale back Flowers 2.0 or Chocolates 5.0 – this may cause the system to crash and develop a new Nag Process. Solution to this problem – upgrade Flowers 2.0 to Flowers Version 12 and use sparingly.
Wife 1.0 updates itself each year, and when Wife 1.0 ages to Wife v35 it may be more open to file-sharing programs such as Swing 4.0 and 3Some Version 2F. However, this only occurs in a small percentage of the OS releases and there’s no way to tell which type you have.
In time, as Wife v35 ages to Wife v50 – Gold Edition, you can expect nag processes to become less recursive, and even be more helpful, such as “Medicine is now due. Insert the next dosage.”
Girlfriend 7.0 (and even version 8.0) cannot run indefinitely. You will eventually need to perform the upgrade. The makers of Girlfriend Software™ and Wife Suite™ have engineered them to be installed in a specific order.

Best of luck
Tech Support


Dear Help Desk,

I’ve carefully considered the matter can have decided on the following course of action. I’m going to Un-Install Girlfriend 7.0 while I have the chance. I’ll wait for a period of time to ensure no Child Processes have begun. I’ll also run a Virus Scan to ensure no viruses are left behind on the Hard Drive.

I’ll start over with a fresh system and do a search for Random-Broad 1.0. This was much easier to use and came with the run-once feature. The run-once option seams to prevent the program from invading the home directory and re-organizing it. I prefer the trial-versions of Girlfriend 1.0 and Secretary Suite (including the Short-Red-Skirt option) With these, I found no need to install Mistress Suite. My Hard Drive is still new, quite large, and I’m not done using it yet. It would be a shame to let it deteriorate into a 3.5” floppy due to long periods of inactivity. The cost of Virus Protection far outweighs the cost of the upgrade to Wife 1.0

I entered a request to try out that program you mentioned: 3Some Version 2F. It must be too early – Wife 1.0 showed no interest in 3some version 2F, but suggested Version 2M! – Screw that!

Thanks for the help.
No-longer Confused User
User avatar
Angie G
 
Posts: 3088
Joined: 30 Aug 04, 2:46 pm
Location: Outerbanks


Return to Funny Jokes



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot], CommonCrawl [Bot] and 8 guests