puns

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Re: puns

Postby mugley » 22 Aug 16, 9:32 pm

:mrgreen:
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rude, crude, and lewd


"I shall stay the way I am because I do not give a damn. "
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Re: puns

Postby funthings » 23 Aug 16, 12:41 pm

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a mountainous pasture, in California, when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a nice suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and cool tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his phone and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are, and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living, or about cows for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.

Now give me back my dog.
God is great!
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Re: puns

Postby Don't Blink » 23 Aug 16, 8:56 pm

:lmao: :lmao:
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Re: puns

Postby mugley » 24 Aug 16, 5:29 am

:lmao: :lmao:
rude, crude, and lewd


"I shall stay the way I am because I do not give a damn. "
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Re: puns

Postby mugley » 20 Sep 16, 8:14 am

:lmao:
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rude, crude, and lewd


"I shall stay the way I am because I do not give a damn. "
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Re: puns

Postby mugley » 28 Sep 16, 8:22 am

:lmao: :lmao:
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rude, crude, and lewd


"I shall stay the way I am because I do not give a damn. "
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Re: puns

Postby mugley » 04 Nov 16, 6:31 am

:lmao: :lmao:
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rude, crude, and lewd


"I shall stay the way I am because I do not give a damn. "
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Re: puns

Postby Don't Blink » 04 Nov 16, 10:23 pm

:lmao:
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Re: puns

Postby mugley » 02 May 17, 2:09 am

:lmao:
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rude, crude, and lewd


"I shall stay the way I am because I do not give a damn. "
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Re: puns

Postby mugley » 06 Jul 17, 4:56 pm

:lmao:
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rude, crude, and lewd


"I shall stay the way I am because I do not give a damn. "
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Re: puns

Postby Don't Blink » 08 Jul 17, 10:04 pm

:thumb: :lmao:
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Re: puns

Postby mugley » 30 Aug 17, 8:21 am

:lmao:
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rude, crude, and lewd


"I shall stay the way I am because I do not give a damn. "
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