The pen is mighty


Postby ET Girl » 15 Feb 07, 11:12 pm

For years Sunking on The King Is Naked forum (Aka 60if) has had his say about Sir Paul McCartney of the Beatles.

First, he has claimed Paul McCartney died and was replaced by an imposter. A Fake Paul he calls "Faul". He also once claimed that Paul McCartney died of explosive diahrrea.  :eek:   Duh! Now he claims that Paul is actually Neil Aspinall (Head of Apple Records) and vise versa. It would be nice to imagine what Paul's respose to all this would be. Unfortunetely we may never know. However, we can Imagine what his response might be.

This is a story that places Sir Paul McCartney up against Sunking, The events and characters are, for the most part, purely fiction. Still. I think it is only fair that we at least try to give Sir Paul the final say on the theories of Sunking. Soooo, without further delay, I present to you:


Once upon a time there was a beautiful village in a very large and dense forest. The village was called Maccaville. So named in honor of it's most famous resident, Sir Paul McCartney. Sir Paul was the former member of a very famous band of singing, musical gypsies called the Beatles. The Beatles were famous all across the land. Since Sir Paul had been born and still resided in the village, the dear residents of Maccaville had changed the name of the village from it's former name of  Snottyville, to honor it's most treasured resident.

Now, why, you may ask, would a peaceful village name itself Snottyville. Well, that was the fault of the newly disgraced, and former mayor, Snotty McFrenzied. You see, Snotty had named the town after himself. But after being booted out of office by the local townspeople, they renamed the village after dear Sir Paul. More on Snotty later.

Maccaville was a very beautiful village. It had high flowing flowers such as roses and daffodils 3 miles high... truly it did. With strong willow and oak trees mere inches tall. And of course, like any self respecting village in any good story, it had Fairies and Pixies.

At the center of the village was a gathering place. A wooded area with a large mysterious funnel at the center of it. Surrounding the wind funnel were plants with exotic flowers. These flowers were collected and gathered together to be smoked as a sort of mysterious ceremonial herb. Sir Paul was especially fond of this herb. When smoked, it produced a kind of euphoric feeling and caused one to giggle profusely.

Everyday, at supper time, all the towns people, fairies and pixies would gather together and smoke the ceremonial herb. Then they would take naps until dinner time. When they would smoke more ceremonial herb and pass out until midnight. Shalee, the Queen of Maccaville was also the Queen fairy. She would host the ceremonies. And all the townspeople agreed that she was a magnificent Queen.

One day her Majesty was floating on the breeze when she noticed something... suspicious. Snotty McFrenzied, the disgraced mayor, was ripping all the ceremonial herbs out by their roots and cursing profusely. "Snotty!". She cried! "Stop abusing the herbs! Or I shall send the pixie guards out after you! You pompous twit!" Snotty just grumbled and slunked away. Shalee glared at him as he headed off into the woods. Snotty had until recently been the mayor. But he'd been fired. He'd been discovered at the local art gallery defacing pictures of Sir Paul. Snotty was caught drawing moustaches and odd lines on pictures of Sir Paul. While being dragged away by the pixie guards, he'd screamed something about Paul...something unintelligable. Something about him not being quite himself.

Paul had been made honorary mayor until a new one could be elected. The election process took place at the center of the village where the ceremonial herb was smoked. Because of this, no mayor had yet been chosen, since too much herb had been smoked to allow the townspeople to concentrate on the job at hand.

As for Snotty, he'd been disgraced and it had been suggested to him that he might be better off if he simply left the village altogether. So, at last, with Shalee's words stinging his oversized ears, he headed towards the outskirts of the village. However, on the way out, he got an idea... a very clever idea. Instead of actually leaving, he decided to head for the local cosmetics surgery house. When he'd arrived, he burst through the door and demanded a facelift. The wary cosmetition reluctantly agreed. And upon payment in advance that was triple what was to be expected, she agreed to keep quiet. Snotty grinned and sucked back some prune juice from a flask that he kept with him at all times. Snotty needed the prune juice to help him with his condition. Snotty suffered from explosive flatulance. His mum always told him that drinking prune juice was for his own good. Snotty hated the prune juice, but what could he do? Mum always knew best.

Once the facelift was complete, Snotty checked his look in the mirror and, satisfied, began to walk back to the village and towards his home. No doubt his right hand man, Faul Snarer, would be there, waiting on hand and foot to service his every need. Snotty liked Faul Snarer. He was his only real friend.

On the way back home Snotty thought about Paul, some. Snotty had become very suspicious of Paul these days. There was something strange about Paul, thought Snotty. He seemed... somehow different. His features had changed. It never occured to Snotty that Paul might simply had aged. Or, for that matter, that Snotty himself had just had a drastic facelift. Hypocrosey aside, Snotty felt strongly that perhaps, just perhaps, Paul wasn't Paul at all. "Why", he cried aloud, "Paul's not Paul! Paul's a fake Paul! He's a Faul! I tawt I taw a fwake Paul! And I DID! I DID, I DID taw a fwake Paul!"

With that thought in mind, Snotty set about devising a scheme. He would slink back into town and with his newly rehashed face and fool the towns people into thinking he was somebody else. The irony was totally lost on him. Still... he must warn people. He would write up a scroll and then present his case and hope that everybody would listen to reason. "But, I'll need a new name", he blurted aloud. Just then... his explosive flatulance let loose, sending poor innocent birds and animals of all sorts scurrying for cover. "I know!" The overly obvious having struck him. "I'll call myself FLATULENCE MAN!" But after having thought it over a bit, he decided that would be a bit much. So, instead, he decided to go with the title of a song from that beloved band of musical gypsies, The Beatles. "I'll call myself SUNKING!" Snotty cried. And with that, Snotty headed home.

                 THE NEXT DAY

Paul was relaxing near the mysterious wind funnel at the center of the village enjoying some celebratory herb when SUDDENLY! Paul heard an obnoxious voice screeching at the top of it's lungs!

"PAUL IS DEAD! PAUL IS NO MORE! HERE YE! HERE YE! GATHER 'ROUND ALL YOU CLOWNS! PAUL HAS DIED AND BEEN REPLACED...Paul is no more! The man you know as Paul is an imposter. He's a bloody replacement! He is the fake Paul! He is a Faul! Here Ye, Here Ye! Gather 'Round and listen to my story! I have a MAGIC SCROLL which contains the mysterious truth about Paul's replacement! Hurry up and listen to ME!"

All the townspeople began to draw near, disturbed at what they'd heard the mysterious stranger crowing. Of course, it was Snotty who'd now become Sunking. But nobody recognised him/ Had they looked closer, they might have seen the familiar sight of Snotty's nose running. Snotty pulled out his trusty hanky and blew his nose fiercely. "Paul is deceased!" He cried aloud for all to hear. "PAUL IS NO MORE!"

Paul drew closer, suspicious at what this strange man had been saying. However, unsure of what to think of it all, he slippped behind a large bush and continued to listen to Snotty's ramblings. Sunking warbled on, crying aloud that he was the great and mysterious Sunking. That he knew that Paul had died and been replaced by an imposter. None of the townspeople knew what to make of this blathering idiot. And after awhile, Snotty's voice grew hoarse from screeching. And he left the people to talk amongst themselves.

Paul carefully thought over what the crazy man had said. "But," he spoke softly to himself, "I'm me. Who else am I supposed to be?" Paul also thought that there was something suspiciously familiar about the man. He reminded Paul a little of former mayor Snotty McFrenzied... "I wonder"... he said aloud, "If it could be really be him?"

                              TO BE CONTINUED
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Postby ET Girl » 15 Feb 07, 11:14 pm


Later that day, Faul Snarer dropped by Snotty's boathouse on the riverbank. Snotty (now) Sunking's home was located near the only polluted portion of Maccaville's beautiful river. Faul Snarer knocked and cried out "Snotty! Open up! It's your humble servent!" From inside a loud oderous sound rang out - cueing Sunking's flatulence had set off again. "I'M COMING I'M COMING" roared the Sunking! Sunking opened the door for his submissive friend. Faul Snarer covered his nose with his hand and then stopped short.... "Snotty!" He cried! "What happened to your face?" Snotty glared at his only friend. "It's Sunking, now", he sputtered. "I've had my face changed". "Yes, your most excellency", replied Faul Snarer. "You look wonderful! Why, I've seen you in the village claiming Paul is dead and replaced? It's really true, isn't it!" "I have no idea... it certainly seems that way", replied Sunking. "Does it really matter? Besides, I owe Paul one. His band would never let me open for them back in the 1960's... I'll never forgive him for that!" "Of course, your most wonderfullness", said Faul Snarer. "I've known that all along! I'm not called Faul Snarer for nothing, you know."

Sunking sighed and bit into his pruneberry pie. He hated pruneberry pie, but his mummy always said it would help him with his flatulence... which at that very moment chose to EXPLODE ... KA BOOM!! Faul Snarer went flying across the room and several of the windows shattered from the force! Sunking grimaced, rolled his eyes strangly and took a sip from his flask of pruneberry juice. Faul Snarer mummered in fear, his eyes glazed over, then passed out...

Meanwhile, back in the center of the village, Paul was in the heart of the forest and strumming on his guitar. He was playing a new song he'd written called 'The Love Of Nature (Is The Love I Bring You). Several fairies had gathered around to listen. A pixie had also drawn near to hear. Her colorful wings shiny and translucent in the afternoon sun. One of the fairies, who's name was Naida, fluttered close to Paul. "Why", she asked, "Does that strange man say you're dead?", she enquired. "Because", replied Paul, "He 's a very angry and demented man. He's jealous with envy". Another fairy piped up and said, "He stinks!". "Yes", said Paul, 'because his gas is loud, it makes me cry... he's worse that a bowlful of onions." Another fairy called Marigold said "I think he's actually Snotty McFrenzied, he doesn't fool me one bit!". "Yes", replied Paul. "I think it could be him". "So... what do we do?", she asked. "Nothing", said Paul. "We just wait until the moment is right and then we expose him for the fraud he is".

Just then, Paul's lead guitarist showed up. "Hi, Randy" said Paul cheerily. Are we going to have practice now?" "Sure thing", replied Randy. Just as soon as I turn that hoaxer into a pretzel!". "Now, now", cautioned Paul. "We have to let these things run their natural course... he'll get his in time". "Alright, fine then", said Randy. But if he doesn't lay off... THEN JUST LOOKOUT! I'll throw him through a bathroom window! Or flush his head down the potty!". With that, Paul laughed and stood up. "C'mon, Randy, it's time to smoke some celebratory herb". And so, off they went.


Sunking stood at the center of village near the wind funnel on a ready made stage and preached to the ever increasingly curious crowd of onlookers. "Listen to me! The man you think is Paul is not really and truly him! He's a fraud. I carry in my hands a magic scroll which tells the truth about what truly happned to Paul!" "What's that?!" cried one onlooker. "Paul", rambled Sunking, "Died in an accident. He fell out of a willow tree and bumped his noggin! Ringo discovered him dead and called for a replacement! The man you call Paul is a Fakerooni!" "Wait a minute", cried one elderly townswoman. Willow trees are only 7 inches high! How could he have died from that?" "Details! Details! Ask me later, old woman", replied Sunking rudely.

SUDDENLY! Sunking's explosive flatulance chose that moment to break free sending explosive, dark cloudburts of noisy flatulance fog out onto the unsuspecting townspeople, knocking everybody in sight unconscious. "That'll be all"... said Sunking to no one...

The only remaining audience were the pixie guards who had been watching from afar. They watched on suspiciously while sipping miniature pints of ale. That Sunking sure was one strange puppy..

                      ... LATER THAT NIGHT ...

Paul dropped by to see a kindly man on the outskirts of town. A good friend of his, Larry, made home brewed ale - which meant he was a REALLY close friend of Paul's. Paul knocked on his door and Larry opened it to him. "Hello, Paul", said Larry. "C'mon in old friend". "Thanks so much", said Paul. "So what brings you here tonight, besides my home brew?", asked Larry. "Well", said Paul, " it's that Snotty McFrenzied fellow. He calls himself Sunking and me dead. What's his issue, mate?". "I wouldn't worry about him", replied Larry. "He's just envious of you." "Yes," replied Paul. But he's making me nervous. And he's hurting me feelings. What did I ever do to him to deserve such treatment?" "Nothing... nothing at all", said Larry. "Here, have a pint of ale. I've got some pixie friends stopping by soon. We'll all have a good laugh and forget about Sunking for one evening." "Great,", said Paul. "All I need is a pint a day, or so..."


Sunking was sitting at home... plotting as to how to truly get people to believe Paul had died and been replaced when there was a knock at the door. Sunking reluctantly got up from eating his bowl of pruneberry strudle and went to answer it. It was none other than Faul Snarer. "Hello your most worshipful excellency", said Faul Snarer. Sunking glared at his friend and then motioned for him to enter. "I have an idea...", said Sunking. I'm going to make an example of Faul once and for all. Tomorrow I'm going to really lay it on thick. I'm going to make sure that not one person, fairy or pixie in town is left that would believe tht Paul is still alive!" "I'll be right there by your side", cooed Faul Snarer! "You can count on me!". "Good", said Sunking. Then you should sleep over tonight and we'll leave first thing in the morning!". "Sl.. sleep over? Queeried Faul Snarer. "Bu.. but. I don't know if that's such a good idea." "Either you're with me or you're with 'them', so which is it?", said Sunking. "Well, you of course", replied Faul Snarer, nervously. Faul Snarer had no idea who "they" were, but he didn't want to let down his old friend. So, reluctantly, Faul Snarer crawled into bed on the guest cot and held his breath and waited... such enough, within seconds Sunking's flatulence exploded sending Faul Snarer right out of the room and through a nearby window. "I'm FINE! I feel fine!", cried Faul Snarer... who then made his way back into the boathouse and quietly prayed that morning would come soon...

  ... CONTINUED ....
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Postby ET Girl » 15 Feb 07, 11:16 pm


Sunking and Faul Snarer crept quietly through the woods in the early morning sunshine. The willow trees blew softly in the breeze. The birds chirped, the sqirrels played and the mysterious swill hollowed hedgehog honked gaily. Sunking motioned Faul Snarer towards the stage and together they climbed the 7 steps to the top of the uppermost of the stage... everywhere all around the stage townspeople slept in unknowing bliss. Sunking stepped towards the mike and prepared to speak and give the speech of all speeches when SUDDENLY!! Sunking's flatulence chose that very moment to relieve itself send a frighteningly loud blast throughout the forest and waking all!

Sunking snorted and then blew his nose uncaringly. The townspeople, fairies and pixies sat up in unison, stunned at the sudden noise and deeply disturbed at the smell which permeated the area. "PEOPLE, FAIRIES ... AND Pixies..." Sunking's voice dropped off... he hated pixies and they hated him. Several of them glared at him knowing who he really was. Sunking continued.. LISTEN TO ME! tHE MAGIC SCROLL WILL REVEAL ALL. iT APPEARED AT MY HOME ONE DAY LAST WEEK... MYSTERIOUSLY, IT FEEL OUT OF A TREE AND INTO MY LAP..."

Suddenly Paul himself jumped onto the stage!

"People! Good fairies and pixies! Listen to me! This man has decieved you. It's none other than Snotty McFrenzied with a facelift. Could you not tell by his oderous flatulence? I am NOT dead. I have not been replaced at all. I'm the same Paul you've known for all these years. Listen to me!" With that Paul sat down at the piano and began to sing!

... The Love Of Nature (Is The Love I Bring You) ...

"Hear me I'm calling out to you
Listen love there's a song with your name in it
Can you hear me trying to get through
To you
It's the same old song there's nothing new
I know somehow I can make it new

Hear the birds in the forest as they sing
Hear the call it's for you this love I bring
See me as I truly am the same one man
Who's always been ready to lend a helping hand

The love of nature is the love I bring you
The love of songs are the songs I sing so true
The love of nature is the love I bring you
Tell me dear am I getting through

Hear the call in the trees as they sway to and fro
See the matted hedgehog as through his snout he blows
All the fairies with love in their hearts
They sing
All the love of nature is for you and me to get to know
It's the love I bring to you you know it's true
It's true

The love of nature is the love I bring you
The love of songs are the songs I sing to you
The love of nature is the love I sing so true
Tell me dear am I getting through

One more time I say to you
Can you hear me calling am I getting through
One more song I sing to you
Tell me love am I getting through

The love of nature is the love I bring you
The love of songs are the songs I sing so true
The love of nature is the love I bring you
Tell me dear am I getting through... "

The townspeople, having heard the song that could only have been sung by Paul himself stood up and applauded. They realised that they had been decieved by Snotty McFrenzied who by this moment was beginning to worry... he had been caught in the act. SUDDENLY!  The pixie guards swarmed in and surrounded both Sunking and Faul Snarer. Shalee the Queen of the fairies flew towards them. "Take them to the outskirts of town and have them tarred and feathered", she shouted.

With that, Snotty (Sunking) and Faul Snarer hung their heads as they were led away by the pixie guards and were taken to the outskirts of town. The pixie guards stopped near a fairy tavern and ordered them to stand outside while they went inside for pints of miniature ale.

Sunking and Faul Snarer stood outside, patiently awaiting their fate beneath a cliff... high atop the cliff a mysterious bird was racing towards the edge of the cliff at a very high rate of speed... suddenly! It stopped short. Gently nudging a rock that teetered on the edge of the cliff... slowly but surely, it leaned forward and careened over the edge and making a high pitched whistling sound as it dropped down toward Snotty and Faul Snarer. "Look!" Cried Faul Snarer! "A lucky penny!" Over there by the tavern... sure enough there was a penny lying face up near the tavern entrance. Snotty and Faul  Snarer began walking toward it... just as the rock fell to the ground making a large thudding sound!

Snotty turned around in bewilderment just as the pixie guards flew outside to see what the matter was. "What is GOING ON here!" Cried one pixie guard who's name was Nissa. "It wasn't us!", wailed Faul Snarer. It certainly was one close call, nonetheless.

And so, later that day, Sunking who's name would always be known as Snotty and Faul Snarer were tarred and feathered mercilously and sent to the desert to spend the next two years pruning cactus'  spines with only miniature pixie tweezers to aid them.

Having been tarred and feathered, they worked into the day in the high, hot sun. To be perfectly honest, they looked like nothing more than a couple of oversized, stuffed chickens... the coyote certainly thought so. And, thought Wile E. Coyote to himself, after years of chasing that stupid roadrunner, chicken might make a nice change of diet. So he watched from behind a boulder... and waited for his chance.

Back in the village, Paul decided to put on a concert. So after calling upon his friends Larry and Randy, they all got to jamming and performed long into the night for the townspeople, fairies and pixies. Even the matted hedgehog boogied the night away.

... And they all lived happily ever after....

... THE END ...

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Postby mid_nite_poet » 16 Feb 07, 4:22 am

ET.. you never cease to amaze me...Image That was truly an Image story.. made me feel that I was right there in the village.. You have a great imagination and will go far in this world.. Keep up the great work..Image
Silence and smile are two powerful words. Smile is the way to solve many problems and Silence is the way to avoid many problems
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Postby fat_bastard » 16 Feb 07, 7:17 am

If you got that published I'd certainly buy it. [img]^/aiw/happy.gif[/img]
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Postby Ice Queen » 16 Feb 07, 7:55 am

Me too! :)
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Postby ET Girl » 16 Feb 07, 12:10 pm

mid_nite_poet wrote:ET.. you never cease to amaze me...Image That was truly an Image story.. made me feel that I was right there in the village.. You have a great imagination and will go far in this world.. Keep up the great work..Image

That means a great deal coming from a gifted poet (And such a great online friend)  as yourself, MNP. Thank you so much and I'm glad you enjoyed it. :hug:  :D
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Postby ET Girl » 16 Feb 07, 12:12 pm

fat_bastard wrote:If you got that published I'd certainly buy it. [img]^/aiw/happy.gif[/img]

Ice Queen wrote:Me too! :)

Thanks to both of you. :hug:

I'm a huge fan of the Beatles even though they're waaaaaaaaay befoore my time. I just wanted to write a story to defend Sir Paul McCartney.  :D

I'm glad you both enjoyed it so much!  :D
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