When Insults Were Witty.

[fat_bastard]

We live in dark times when the best insults are "Yeah, your mom..."
Here's a small collection on the most clever and cutting insults ever uttered.




The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, “If you were my husband I’d give you poison.” He said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”

An exchange between John Wilkes and the Earl of Sandwich (both English Parliamentarians of the 18th century):

The Earl: “Egad, sir, I do not know whether you will die at the gallows or of the pox.”

–Wilkes: “That will depend, my Lord, on whether I embrace your principles or your women.” (thanks to Nick for the correction!)

“He had delusions of adequacy.” - Walter Kerr

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” - Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” - Moses Hadas

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” - Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” - Oscar Wilde

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…. if you have one.” - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.” - Winston Churchill, in response.

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” - Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” - John Bright

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” -
Irvin S. Cobb

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” -
Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” - Paul Keating

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” - Charles, Count Talleyrand

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” - Forrest Tucker

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” - Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” - Mae West

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” - Oscar Wilde

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.” - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” - Billy Wilder

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” - Groucho Marx

[cerina]

I saw those somewhere else recently ... I am so glad you posted them, FB. Those were the days of style and finesse.


And before anyone says anything ... it was before my time, although I do remember Churchill.

[ScornedVixen]

I've come to notice the witty wisecracks of today's youth is "yeah well bite me". how terribly original and funny!

I think it all boils down to the fact that not many people understand 'words' in order to use them for a cutting come back or witty insults. Maybe I'm wrong, since Cerina is good with words maybe she will know the reason?

Vix

[admin]

And before anyone says anything ... it was before my time, although I do remember Churchill.

And he fondly remembers you, he even went so far as to call you one hot momma

[cerina]

And before anyone says anything ... it was before my time, although I do remember Churchill.

And he fondly remembers you, he even went so far as to call you one hot momma

That is a little worrying, considering I was 12 when he died.

I've come to notice the witty wisecracks of today's youth is "yeah well bite me". how terribly original and funny!

I think it all boils down to the fact that not many people understand 'words' in order to use them for a cutting come back or witty insults. Maybe I'm wrong, since Cerina is good with words maybe she will know the reason?

Vix

Trust me, you don't want to get me started on the desecration of the English language and the abysmal way it is taught. As for American 'english' ... don't even whisper it in my vicinity.

[admin]

As for American 'english' ... don't even whisper it in my vicinity.

click here and let me whisper a secret

[fat_bastard]

Trust me, you don't want to get me started on the desecration of the English language and the abysmal way it is taught. As for American 'english' ... don't even whisper it in my vicinity.

I may start a petition to force Americans into calling their language American, and not English.
I also read yesterday that children may no longer be marked on their spelling and grammar, but on the content itself. Which means that they can write in txt spk or just completely wrong like and still get an A. Which means that I and everybody else have spent years learning and refining our language skills for nothing. Having said that, schools may not be demanding a good grip on English, but employers will.

[cerina]

I'll sign your petition, FB, with the greatest of pleasure. I'll even contribute towards the printing and distribution costs.


And I agree that, hopefully, employers will still require a degree of dexterity with the language.

[Jack Flash]

You want us to talk like that

[cerina]

That was really bad.

[mid_nite_poet]

[Sting]

I thought her accents were pretty good. Couldn't understand her half the time, but still pretty good.

[cerina]

You obviously haven't heard the real McCoy.

[Sting]

Guess not.

[cerina]

Give me your phone number and you will hear how English should sound.

[Don't Blink]

1 800-555-1212

[sapphire]

I also read yesterday that children may no longer be marked on their spelling and grammar, but on the content itself.

I believe that it is only up to a certain grade level. Or that's how it is here anyway. My son will be entering Grade 3 and this will be his last year without being marked on spelling and grammar. It is to encourage the kids who struggle with creative writing to at least get their thoughts on paper without fear of having it picked apart because they wrote down the wrong "to" (to, too, two) It may be hard to read at first, but some of the things in my son's journal are priceless. And he is one of the ones struggling with writing, so any little gems he writes down and gets praise for, helps his confidence. And hey, his spelling and grammar are coming along on their own.

[darris]

I would just like to say this is the same fallacy used as when people say things like "back when music was good".
The reason we have record of these witticisms is because they were good. It isn't like everyone went around using awesome cracks 100% of the time.
There are examples of terrible music from the 50s too.
American English is English.
It's American English, in fact.
Would you also force Jamaicans to call their language Jamaican?
I hate it when holier than thou Brits say that American English isn't done properly.
We are both victims of moronic standardization- but, honestly, would you prefer someone to standardize the spelling and grammar based on Germanic languages (like English) or would you rather the standardiZer to do it based on Latin? Can't end a sentence in a preposition? What is that, Samuel Johnson?
Standardization is a joke. You can restrict a language for about 10 years before it starts flying back in your face.
The French have used standardization for longer than any of us and now their pages are abundant with silent and wholly unnecessary letters. Chinese has standardization by default and now one symbol can mean 150 things.
The bottom line is if you understand me, the language is successful.
So get off your high horse; English sounds however I say it (while being understood).

[cerina]

Who pissed on your firework?

[Lonestar]

Geez...I could use a good lay myself, but I don't take it out on the world at large.

[Tongue firmly in cheek, here. ]

[cerina]

[Don't Blink]

Geez...I could use a good lay myself, but I don't take it out on the world at large.

well if that's all you need

[Lonestar]

I said "LAY," not "LEI."

[M T Q Empty Que]

I cringe whenever I see a word that was spelled incorrectly being thrown around so casually and frequently. It seems as if today's world is in too much of a hurry to take the time to think a formulate a sensible reply. It was the lol's that started it...it had to be.