A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a civil engineer were arguing over what type of engineer god was. The ME pointed to the body's intricate skeletal/muscular system and proudly stated that god must have been an ME. The EE said that was ok but he felt that the brain and nervous system were of such incredible design and complexity that god had to be an EE. The ME and the EE both looked at the Civil engineer who was smiling at their discussion. "I suppose you think god was a civil engineer" they said. "Of course" replied the CE. "Who else would run a sewer system through a major recreational area"?
A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing is just a mess. An engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away. After the engineer has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like an engineer, we're looking for the height and he gives us the length."
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces altitude and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The man below says, "Yes, you are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude." "You must be an engineer!" says the balloonist. "I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
Well," says the balloonist, "Everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is, I am still lost."
The man below says, "You must be a manager!" I am replies the balloonist, but how did you know?" "Well," says the engineer, "You don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow, my fault."
Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives. Now, for the first time we have a rigid Mathematical proof that explains why this is true.
Postulate 1: Knowledge is power.
Work -------- = Power Time Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have Work -------- = Knowledge Money Solving for Money, we get: Work ------------ = Money Knowledge
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.
Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make.
Once upon a time, a male engineer decided to vacation on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. It was wonderful... the best experience of his life! He was waited upon hand an foot. But, alas, it did not last. A Hurricane came up suddenly.......and the ship went down.
The man found himself, he knew not how, swept up on the shore of an island. There was nothing else anywhere to be seen. No person, no supplies, nothing. The man looked around. There were some bananas and coconuts, but that was it. He was desperate, and forlorn, but decided to make the best of it. So for the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice and mostly looked to the sea mightily for a ship to come to his rescue.
One day, as he was lying on the beach stroking his beard and looking for a ship, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. Could it be true, was it a ship? No, from around the corner of the island came this rowboat. In it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen.....or at least within the past 4 months. She was tall and tanned, and her blond hair flowed in the sea breeze, giving her an almost ethereal quality. She spotted him also (since he was waving and yelling and screaming to get her attention). She rowed her boat towards him.
In disbelief, he asked, "Where did you come from? How did you get here"?
She said, "I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed on this island when my cruise ship sank"
"Amazing", he said, "I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many of you are there? Where, did you get the rowboat? You must have been really lucky to have a rowboat wash-up with you?"
"It is only me", she said, "and the rowboat didn't wash up, nothing else did."
"Well then", said the man, "how did you get the rowboat?"
"I made the rowboat out of raw material that I found on the island," replied the woman. "The oars were whittled from Gum tree branches, I wove the bottom from Palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree".
"But, but.....," stuttered the man, "what about tools and hardware, how did you do that?"
"Oh, no problem," replied the woman, "on the south side of the island there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found that If I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools, then used the tools to make the hardware. But, enough of that," she said, "where do you live?"
At last the man was forced to confess that he had been sleeping on the beach. "Well, let's row over to my place, she said." So they got into the rowboat and left for her side of island.
The woman easily rowed them around to a wharf that led to the approach to her place. She tied up the rowboat with a beautifully woven hemp rope. They walked up a stone walk and around a Palm tree, and there stood an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
"It's not much," she said, "but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like a drink?"
"No thanks," said the man, "one more coconut juice and I will puke."
"It won't be coconut juice, the woman replied. "I have a still; how about a Pina Colada?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk.
After a while, and they had exchanged their stories, the woman asked, "Tell me, have you always had a beard?"
"No", the man replied, "I was clean shaven all of my life, and even on the cruise ship".
"Well if you would like to shave, there's a man's razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom." The man, no longer questioning anything, went upstairs to the bathroom. In the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle, two shells honed to a hollow-ground edge fastened to its end inside of a swivel mechanism. The man shaved, showered and went back down stairs..
"You look great," said the woman, "I think I'll go up and slip into something more comfortable."
The man settled in to wait, continuing to sip his Pina Colada. After a short time, the woman returned wearing strategically positioned fig leaves and smelling faintly of gardenia.
"Tell me something," she said, "We have both been out here for a very long time with no companionship. You know what I mean. Have you been lonely? Is there anything that you really miss? Something that all men and woman need? Something that it would be really nice to have right now?"
"Yes there is," the man replied, moving closer to the woman while fixing her with a long, intense gaze. "Tell me ... Do you happen to have an Internet connection, too?"
