Drunken Logic Oneliners

The face is familiar but I can't quite remember my name.

If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content

If you drink don't park, accidents cause people.

BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

I swear to drunk I'm not God!"

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Beer - Helping ugly people have sex since 1881

I said "no" to drugs, but they didn't listen.

The Ten Stages of Drunkenness

Witty and charming (part 1)
This is after one or two drinks. The tongue can still remain in step with the brain. In the witty and charming stage one is likely to use foreign idioms and phrases such as au contraire in place of "No way, Jose"


Rich and famous
By the third drink, you begin mentioning that the little Lexus you've had your eye on


Benevolent
You'll buy her a Lexus, too. It's only money.


Just one more and We'll eat
a stall tactic


To hell with Dinner
Let's Just get a snack at the Bar


Patriotic
The war stories Begin


Full battle mode
We should a fixed it the first time


Invisible
So this is what the inside of of ladies room looks like


Witty and charming (part 2)
You know, you don't sweat much for a fat girl.


God's own drunk and a fearless man:
That's...that's when I first saw the bear..