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Useless News

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The latest weird news headlines

Politicians are always getting elected and screwing over the voters, countries are always at war, and the economy
is always in trouble. Frankly we're just tired of hearing news that's always bad. So, if you want to find out who died,
read your local paper. If you want to read something funny and have a laugh or two, click on these headlines



August 27, 2008
Girls kissing girls is the latest trend
It's chicks out for the Vlads
Drug raid yields unexpected results
Sex charge dropped apology for ‘joke’
Could you live without toilet paper?
Toronto men who fell off jet skis now in hot water with the feds


August 26, 2008
Monkeys experience joy of giving, too
Priest to hold nun beauty pageant
The tall, the short and the hairy
PNG women bash bottom pincher
Noisy Lovers keep neighbors awake
Bark if you see Mary
Cats endangering global fish supply


August 25, 2008
Bear wins 2nd place in art contest
Canada admits it's a top ecstasy supplier
Chinese police nab man cavorting in tutu at Olympics
Abandoned baby found safe with dog
Woman takes man to hotel on boyfriend's credit card
New porn channel insists half content is Canadian.


August 24, 2008
McCain Beats Obama In Race Of Hissing Cockroaches
Undercover Drug Sting Nets 70-Year-Old Granny
Prosecutors trying to get obese defendant to court
New Zealand's colossal squid defies legends: scientists
Robber Foiled By Unlocked Safe
Flawed escorts demand refund


August 23, 2008
Barbie fishing rod reels in record-setting catfish
Study Says 'Gaydar' Is Real
Lack of purpose is the essence of Britishness
Pictured: The bungling burglar left dangling by his shoelaces
Live-in boyfriend confronts husband, wife having sex
Homeowner confronts naked burglar


August 22, 2008
Women Wanted For Sex Drive Study
Senator tied to sex ring to use campaign money for legal fees
Mayor shuts down Young girls produce stand
Woman arrested, booked over library fines
Female Teacher Arrested for Sex With Student ( photo)
Woman tazers cheerleading coach for not picking daughter


August 21, 2008
Sex, Massages and Taxpayer Dollars
Bikini Barista Throws Boiling Water On Flasher
Size matters; Court: Nah
Phony guards steal from Oregon bank customers
Where do I squirrel this one?
Fictitious Restaurant wins Wine Spectator’s Award of Excellence


August 20, 2008
Country singerasks for cold one, gets knocked out cold
63-year-old woman sues AARP for age discrimination
'Boobs on Bikes' parade revs up Kiwis
Teachers Blame Problem Parents for Enabling Teens to Abuse Drugs
Portal to mythical Mayan underworld found
Speed Camera Accuses Man of 100 MPH uphill in a Toyota Echo


August 19, 2008
3,276 HOURS...THE TIME A WOMAN TAKES TO GET READY
Even China Doesn't Want GM's Hummer
Weatherman freaked out by trouser snake
Whale calf lost in Sydney waters, bonds with yacht
Disney says no to ‘Musical’ panties
Turtle Gets Skateboard to Replace Legs


August 18, 2008
Ugly girls welcome, says beer goggle capital
Robber starts sentence number 33 at 35 years old
School Board Fires Falsely Accused Teacher
Woman who had sex with the boy 15 awarded child support
Dog obedience school dropout
Boozy Brits - it’s the last straw


August 17, 2008
South African squirrels: well-endowed
Woman accused of beating fiance at prenup party
Robber locked keys in getaway car
Nepal seeks new child goddess: must have voice like a duck
The secret meanings of our best-loved nursery rhymes
Photos may have violated privacy of topless women


August 16, 2008
America's Next Top Model ...a transsexual
World's oldest mother,pleased at son, declares daughter 'a burden'
The wife of a Texas police officer says sex was part of the job
Sounds of adult video fill courtroom
Burglar busted after what some call a "stupid" mistake
Obese British children will be taken into state care
Spy Cam In Wal-Mart Set To Beam Credit Card Numbers To Thieves


August 15, 2008
Norway Awards Knighthood to Penguin
Bigfoot body 'found and put in freezer'
Hunted man fears ex will lop off his penis
Women in highrise units told not to flash breasts
Hot Teacher faces sex charges
Man (47) charged with abduction of his live-in girlfriend (65).
Oops! Graffiti squad swabs art show


August 14, 2008
Busted for holy smoke
Naked senior foils B.C. home invasion
In the UK, officials confuse Birmingham skylines again
Queensland wife auctions love rival's underwear on eBay
The Supreme Court to consider whether candy cane-style ornaments offensive
Attorney General Sues Telemarketers from India


August 13, 2008
Squeaky the Wonder Pig
Geeks have conventions - news to me
Bush Plan takes scientists out of decision making
Crowd cheers on sex romp couple
Unlock the store while I wait here to rob you
You don't need a wife to lead a healthy life


August 12, 2008
A giant inflatable dog turd causes chaos in Switzerland
Ohio church: No kissing, tickling allowed
Google's Street View captures drunken Aussie keeled over outside home
Naked Woman Arrested after Bicyclist Hit
Couple warned for feeding birds in their garden
Woman indicted for stashing phone books


August 11, 2008
Man Almost Loses Penis Humping Steel Bench
Teacher gets raunchy, kids love it
Spilled cash starts free-for-all on U.S. freeway
Male Geeks Finally Get Robot Girlfriends
Man says he's porn inspector, demands free videos
Groom charged with being too near bride at wedding


August 10, 2008
Couple nabbed over unpaid $10 tax
Police missing ``beer goggles''
'The End' for popcorn in British cinemas
Ecstasy helps us deal with drunks, say cops
Chemist allowed to go home - No hazards found
Finns reign in sauna world championships


August 9, 2008
Italy is the home of wife swapping
Nigerian with 86 wives advises against so many
Hotwired car had no engine
Things Not to Say in a Facebook Status Update
Lawyer Charged with Domestic for Spanking Daughter
Zoo Babies slide show
MySpace 'Queen' Tila Tequila: I Made Amends with God
Woman kills boyfriend for drinking her beer


August 8, 2008
Members of a Christian biker gang charged with Murder
Craigslist 'encounter' lands couple in jail
A Catfight, A Boob Bite, & A Tetanus Shot
Mothers wrongly identifying fathers
Robbie Coltrane used on wanted poster
'Nuclear Modified' CD sparks Israeli alert


August 7, 2008
Clinton urges monogamy - ROFL
McDonald's Monoply Game Scam
26 cheerleaders get stuck in elevator
Senior citizen arrested after crack found in car
lewd act with a claw hammer, plastic bag and motor oil.
Is retiring early unpatriotic?
Female teacher charged with having sex with students


August 6, 2008
CRIME: Naked and fondling self while following garbage truck
Playgirl goes Limp
Lover died 'with bulldog clips on nipples'
The pill that stops you binge drinking
Blow-up church looks to lure Italian beachgoers
Elks and blondes shape Sweden's image abroad
City fines handyman $25,000 for making Free Repairs


August 5, 2008
judge rules nude dancing is an art
Teaching an Abandoned Seal to Swim
More helpful husband tops working mothers' wish list
Farmer sends message to neighbors with car fence
Three more female teachers accused of sex with students
Argentine president calls for decriminalization of drug use
Burning Man Temple Sneak Preview


August 4, 2008
US man faces foreclosure because he didn’t pay parking fine
Tyson Foods Drops Labor Day For Muslim Holiday
Mail stops village's deliveries because its roads are 'too steep'
'Sex link' to French oyster rout
Police: Man Calls 911 Over Incorrect Sandwich
Alleged pickup thief loses truck to carjacker
Bullet resistant bras for German police - with extra padding


August 3, 2008
'Designer Vaginas' Blacklisted in Australia
How Birth Control Brings Us Down
Thieves stealing manhole covers, storm grates
Police Rescue Naked Man from Chimney of City Owned Building
Police Taser boy with broken back 19 times
Rape Alley
My Boss Forced Me To Give Witness a Blow Job


August 2, 2008
VIDEO: Students dress like prostitutes to protest
Police Raid Mayor's Home, Kill His 2 Dogs
Thieves beg for jumper cables to start their getaway car.
Hells Kool-Aid
Teacher accused of sending lewd text messages to teen
Researchers close to developing an exercise pill
St. Thomas man faces multiple charges after killing porcupine


August 1, 2008
Top 100 sexiest women in the World as chosen by FHM
World's oldest joke traced to 1900 BC
Living together no longer 'playing house'
Sheikh flies Lamborghini 6,500 miles to Britain for oil change
'Got milk' lawyers in a huff at jiggly parody