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Blonde / Blond Jokes




from Lucy

Christmas Stamps

A blonde woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.

She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"

The clerk says, "What denomination?"

The woman says, "Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists. "



from minx21

Blonde texting

A blonde texts her b/f saying that she doesn't understand what IDK means,  and wondering if he understood what it meant.

He replied back saying "I don't know"

The blonde immediately texts her b/f back and says  "OMG NOBODY DOES!!!!!!!"



contributed by mr wiseguy

Three women in Mexico

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation, get drunk and have a wild time. The next morning they wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent."

They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. "I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent."

They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.

The last one (you knew it), a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of Kentucky and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, ya'll ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in.



contributed by cerina

Two blondes and a hammer

Carol and Donna, were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.

Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you throwing those nails away?'

Carol explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away.'

Donna got completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!'



contributed by Dixie

Three blondes fishing

Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.

"Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden.

"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."

The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left.

As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead in this river?!"



contributed by Dixie

Blonds and Computers

What do a blonde and your computer have in common?

You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.



Windows!

A blonde woman goes into a department store and tells the salesman she wants a pair of pink curtains. He assures her they have a good selection of pink curtains. He shows her many textures, prints and hues of pink fabrics. Once she has finally picked out a pink floral pattern, the salesman asked her "What sizes do you need?"

She replies "15 inches."

He exclaims "15 INCHES?! What room are they for?" She says, "I only need one, and it's not for a room. It's for my computer monitor."

The surprised salesman exclaims, "Miss, computers do not have curtains."

The blond says "HELLOOooooooo.... I've got Windows!"



Short Blond Jokes

How do you change a blonde's mind?

Buy her another beer.



A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.

"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."



How do blonde brain cells die ?

Alone.



How do you brainwash a blonde?

Give her a douche and shake her upside down.



How do you get a blonde to marry you?

Tell her she's pregnant.



What will she ask you?

"Is it mine?"



How does a blond kill a fish?

She drowns it.



Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?

They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.



Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?

In case she locks the keys in her car.



Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?

Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.



What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?

A vacant possession.



What do you get when you turn 2 blondes upside-down?

Two brunettes.



Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?

To see what was on the other side.



What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125?

a foursome.



What do you give the blonde that has everything?

Penicillin.



Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?

It's too hard to re-train them.



What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?

Frosted Flakes.



What do you call a smart blond?

A golden retriever.



What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?

Artificial intelligence.



What does a blonde owl say?

What, what?



What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?

"Oh look! Donut seeds!"



Why did the blond take her typewriter to the doctor ??

She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.



Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?

She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.



Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?

She heard that the drinks were on the house.



Why are there no dumb brunettes?

Peroxide.



What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?

An interpreter.



What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?

A mental block



What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?

A visitor.



To a blonde, what is long and hard?

Grade 4.



What did the blonde say to the physicist?

"Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"






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