Sharing Humor, Beauty and Art

Two flowers were swaying gently in the breeze
when one said "I love you, darling."
"I love you too," answered the second flower.
"I want you so much."
"I want you, too."
"I've got to have you right now!"
"Ooooh, where are those damned bees?"

My dog sleeps most of the day.
His meals are provided at no cost to him.
He visits the Dr. if any medical needs arise.
He lives in a house that is much larger than he needs.
If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.
He receives these accommodations absolutely free.
He is living like a king, and has absolutely no expenses.
All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick.........

I think my dog is a member of Congress!

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.

"The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the WhiteHouse official and whispers, "$2,700." The government official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys!

How did you come up with such a high figure? "The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.

""Done!" replies the government official.

...and that, my friends, is how government works.

A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot.They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water.

Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.

After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates.

The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my face they would recognize."

Three Pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner.

One said "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to scare them away.

Another said "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the narthex attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away."

The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church... Haven't seen one back since!!!"