Sharing Humor, Beauty and Art

A fire fighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl was wearing a fire fighter's helmet and the wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter said with admiration. "Thanks," the girl replied.

The fire fighter looked a little closer. The fireman noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

"Little partner," the fire fighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."

The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

A small boy ran down the street in search of a cop. Eventually finding one, he begged, "Please come back to the bar with me. My daddy is in a fight!"

The officer accompanied him back to the bar where he found three men involved in a violent fist-fight.

"OK, son," said the cop, "which one is your daddy?"

"I don't know," said the boy.

"That's what they're fighting about!"

A little three-year-old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up. The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book. But about every 10 seconds or so he puts the book down, grips onto to the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of the head with his right hand.

His mother says: "Billy, are you all right? You've been in here for a while...

Billy Says: "I’m fine, Mommy.. I just haven’t gone 'doody' yet."

Mother Says: "ok, you can stay here a few more minutes. But, Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?"

Billy Says: "works for ketchup.""

A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds.

His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog is thrilled, "This is great!     "Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks.

"No," says the psychic, "in biology class."

A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking blonde woman behind the wheel. There was a strong smell of liquor on her breath.

He said, “I’m going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol.”
She blew up the balloon and he walked it back to the police car.

After a couple of minutes, he returned to her car and said, “It looks like you’ve had a couple of stiff ones.”

She turned red, and replied, “You mean it shows that, too?”

Pete came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he'd been in a fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened.

Well, Dad," said Pete, "I challenged Larry to a duel and I gave him his choice of weapons."

Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair.

I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions". The husband turned to his wife and said, "That is a bunch of crap. There is nouthing you could say that will make me happy and sad at the same time.

She smiled and said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick."

Scientists have long been curious about why no dead penguin bodies are found on the ice pack. What happens to their bodies when they die?

The mystery has now been solved.
It turns out that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird and lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family, generally mates for life, and usually maintains contact with its offspring throughout its life.

When a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, members of the family and social circle dig a hole in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow"
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

Then they kick him in the ice hole.