Sharing Humor, Beauty and Art

5. These days, you get winded just turning down the blanket.

4. "Five times in one night" now means your overactive bladder is acting up again.

3. It takes Viagra just to play hard to get.

2. You can still make her eyes roll back in her head, but now it's out of annoyance.

1. Your response to a cute, 16-year-old high school student with tight jeans and an exposed belly? "GET OFF MY LAWN!!!"

The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.

We are all familiar with a Herd of cows, a Flock of chickens, a School of fish and a Gaggle of geese.

Less widely known is a Pride of lions, a Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens), and a Parliament of owls.

Now consider a group of Baboons. They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates.

And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons? . . It's ..... a Congress!

Don't believe it? .. look it up!

Things have become a lot clearer.

I pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and told my friend, "That's us in 10 years."

He said, "That's a mirror, stupid."